Self-care has become a phenomena in the mainstream wellness media. For some, self-care is considered a buzzword that justifies spending exorbitant amounts of money on things that they don’t need, nor will improve their health. This idea of self-care was popularized by the TV show Parks and Recreation, where two characters spend a day pampering themselves and end up draining their bank accounts. (“Treat yo-self!”) Self-care has been wildly misconstrued, which is a shame, because it is essential for our basic health and wellbeing.
What it is
Self-care is a highly personal practice. How you support your wellbeing won’t necessarily work for others. But it doesn’t have to be complicated. Let me introduce the idea that self-care, on the most basic level, is simply
Taking good care of yourself.
Sounds redundant? It should! We’re going back to basics here. Remember what you learned in health class? Eating whole foods, moving your body, and quality sleep are essential components to a healthy life. Yup, that’s it. No manicures, no Netflix binges, no “super-cute-shoes-that-were-sitting-in-my-cart-and-finally-went-on-sale-and-I-just-had-to-have-them.”
Food, movement, and rest are the cornerstone of human survival. If these needs aren’t met, our health will be compromised (cue the sharp rise of depression, anxiety, and chronic illness).
Through this lens, taking good care of yourself is simply supporting your basic needs – nourishing your body, moving when it feels right, and making time for relaxation. It’s any action or experience that protects, maintains or enhances your health and ability to show up in the world. Basic self-care tactics could include:
- Brushing your teeth
- Taking a shower
- Going for a walk
- Taking a day off from work (Yes, really!)
- Doing the laundry
- Quality time with friends or family
- Spending time in nature (without screens!)
Notice how none these suggestions require spending money or consuming material goods. Our consumerist culture has twisted the idea of self-care into an excuse to indulge your material desires. Which brings me to…
What it isn’t
Self-care does not require a credit card. Taking good care – fundamentally treating yourself well with nourishment, movement, and relaxation – requires little to no added expense. Catching up with an old friend or going for a nature walk will boost your mood, strengthen your immune system, and cost you zero dollars. And that’s a mighty beautiful thing.
Self-care is not contingent on your work, status, or productivity. Let me repeat: practicing self-care has nothing to do with what you have (or haven’t) accomplished. It is not something to be earned, nor something to be deserving of. It’s a fundamental human need. You can think of it this way: eating whole foods, movement, and calm are going to make for a more focused, energized, and therefore productive, you.
On a similar note, self-care is not selfish. Quite the opposite. Taking care of yourself is essential for a healthy mind-body-spirit, especially in the long-term. We take good care so we’re able to care for others. We take good care so we can contribute our strengths and talents to the world. We take good care so we can make a positive impact in our small, albeit important, circles of influence.
Self-care does not need to be forced. Just because ev-er-y-one is telling you that you should you do it (and do it their way), doesn’t mean you have to abide by others’ expectations. If you’re not enjoying your new self-care ritual please – by all means – stop! Pause and assess what could be improved to make it a realistic and pleasant experience.
I’m challenging you to re-frame your perception of self-care, and that includes the notion that self-care is not another item on your to-do list, but an integral part of your routine life. I’m absolutely guilty of this mindset. There are some days where my self-care practices are just *huff* another task on my ever-growing list. It’s tricky to weave yet another action item into your already jammed schedule. The reality is no one is going to prioritize your health for you. Your wellbeing is in your own hands. If you don’t sustain your mind-body-spirit over time, the lack of care will lead to exhaustion, emotional fatigue, or burnout, and perhaps resentment. So how can you care for yourself in a sustainable way?
Tips to Try
Listen & Learn
Use a cue throughout your day to check in with yourself. These cues are around us all of the time. When we’re aware of them and use them to our advantage, they can help manage our energy. A cue could be a specific time of day, an emotion, thought, or physical primer (like a sticky note). I like to set alarms on my phone as a way to periodically pause throughout the day. Other prompts could be when your kids take a nap or when you get up to use the bathroom. Some things you can ask yourself during these check ins are: How am I feeling? Where am I feeling it? What do I need right now? How is my energy level? Take into account what’s happening in your life in order to support yourself mentally, emotionally, physically, or spiritually.
These quick and simple check ins will eventually lead to greater capacity for self-awareness. With consistency and time, you’ll be able to notice when your body is asking for movement, when you need a snack, or when you need to take a moment to breathe. The most simple yet powerful way to take care of yourself is by first listening to and learning from your body.
Mind Your Chatter
Mind chatter is that little voice in your head that’s constantly saying things like “We’re running low on toilet paper,” “Tina wore that top on our last call,” and “I can’t believe I forgot milk again! I’m such an idiot!” More on this another time. One type of mind chatter is motivational, where that little voice says things like “I should call my sister,” “I have to pick up Tommy from daycare,” and “I need to finish those thank you notes.” Motivational mind chatter usually begins with
- I have to…
- I need to…
- I should…
(Or my personal favorite) - I gotta…
This type of chatter is meant to encourage you to do the things you’re “supposed to do.” These thoughts are most likely swirling around in your head, and if they go unaddressed, can lead to worry, overwhelm, and angst. When you constantly tell yourself what you have to do, you simultaneously tell yourself what you’re doing isn’t enough and you must do more. This leads to running on an infinite mental treadmill of tedious tasks. No thanks. Try stepping off the treadmill by replacing “I have to,” “I need to,” or “I should” with
- I want to…
- I get to…
- I choose to…
- I choose to…because…
For example, let’s try a phrase from above: “I should call my sister” → “I choose to call my sister.”
Try this yourself. Write it out if you can. The reality is, you don’t have to do anything. You choose to do it. You don’t have to pick up Tommy from daycare. You want to because – well – you don’t want poor Tommy stranded at daycare! You don’t need to exercise today. You get to exercise (and what a gift that is!). This simple reframe allows you to take back your autonomy from the situation. You’re in control because you’re making a choice. It can also serve as a gentle reminder of the blessings in your life. Thinking about all of the things you get to, or have the privilege to do, can leave you more appreciative in your day-to-day life.
To wrap up, self-care doesn’t have to break the bank. Taking good care of yourself is simply any action that sustains your mind, body, and spirit. At the most basic human level, we can support ourselves through movement, nourishment, and rest. When I sign my messages, notes, or emails, with “Take Care,” I mean it. I’m sending you well wishes. I hope you’re treating yourself with kindness and love through nourishment, movement, and moments of calm.
Take Care,
Mary Kate
